Category Archives: Controlling Relationships

Controlling Relationships

I’m back! It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged because I took time off to complete a book on controlling relationships. My tentative title (since editors often change them) is “Controlling Relationships: the Elephant in Our Society.” I’ll let you know when it’s published. I chose this title because control is often invisible to…

Share

Working with Controllers

Controlling behavior is the systematic domination and oppression by one person in a way that makes it clear that another person(s)  is not safe physically and/or emotionally.  Control tactics are the tools by which controllers dominate and oppress. Characteristics of control tactics: They are used to get the person’s way by any means it takes….

Share

When Success Eludes Us

It is often an irony that we fear what we also want. We may want success in some particular way, but we are terrified of achieving it and may undermine it. Success brings recognition and that is often very uncomfortable for us. Being visible may have represented danger in the past if we’ve experienced any…

Share

Freeing Yourself from the Witch of Fear

There are two kinds of fear. One is the realistic fear that we experience when we’re in danger. This is rational and self-preservative and a very good thing. The second is fear that is not based on any present danger so some call it irrational fear.  However, it often makes sense given our histories. It…

Share

Emerging into the Light

We all have times of crisis in our lives. I like to remind myself as well as others that the symbol for “crisis” also means “opportunity” in Chinese. It’s so easy to fall into believing life is over. Our fear pops up of the unknown and generates a vicious spiraling downward. Our Monkey Minds take…

Share

Road of Fear

How fear plays into our internal predators is complicated. Looking at the seductive aspect of fear is not meant to deny the reality of violence and threat that pervades too many relationships. It is important to pay attention to fear; it helps us keep ourselves safe. Please pay attention and protect yourself whenever you are…

Share

Road of Romantic Love

The billboard “LOVE” is a huge draw for us. Romantic love is idealized and romanticized from the time we are young. The portrayal of what love is and our hormones combined lead to unrealistic love expectations for many people. It is natural that we all want to find that special someone. The experience of falling…

Share

Road of Commitment

The need for “Connection” is one of the signs that draw us into any relationship, whether intimate, work related, friendship, or professional. We become committed and want them to continue if we value them. Trust is a necessary element in order to invest in people. As social beings, we benefit from the complex inter-relationships that…

Share

Road of Helping Others

“One of her greatest fears is that her partner will change after she leaves and someone else will reap the reward of her effort. She lives between if I can just hang on long enough, he will change  and if I leave and he changes, I will miss out.” Joanna V. Hunter[1]   This seductive…

Share

Road of Being Put on a Pedestal

It is healthy to receive attention and admiration from others as well as to give it. Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship, we feel like the other person can do no wrong. However, if this is too extreme, it can be a danger sign. If you’ve ever been put on a pedestal, you know…

Share