Category Archives: Relationships

Road of Being Put on a Pedestal

It is healthy to receive attention and admiration from others as well as to give it. Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship, we feel like the other person can do no wrong. However, if this is too extreme, it can be a danger sign. If you’ve ever been put on a pedestal, you know…

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Road of Fear of Being Alone

Another seductive highway for controlling relationships is fear of being alone.This road is well traveled by many men and women, regardless of whether they have an abusive relationship. Relationship billboards promise “Companionship” and “Love” which is something we are naturally attracted to  since we are social animals. Many of us want to have children and…

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Road of Devaluing the Feminine

Another internalized predator stems from the cultural imbalance of valuing masculine over feminine , which creates conscious and unconscious biases in all of us. Sometimes the rejection of feminine stereotypes and hostility toward anything female is so strong that it can only be termed misogyny or hatred of women.  It is possible you’ve viewed this…

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Seductive Highways

Many people wonder about how they slipped into a controlling relationship without realizing it until too late. Others say that they saw the “red flags” but didn’t heed them. In addition to asking themselves “why does he act this way?” they sometimes feel badly about themselves because they “allowed” it. I remind them that they…

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Seduction by Controllers

I’ve selected the word seduction because many times we are not completely aware of what we’re choosing in life. A definition for seduce is: “to persuade somebody to do something by making it seem desirable or exciting”.  To this, I would add “or by making it seem inevitable”. Controlling people trap us unawares by identifying…

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Am I a Bitch or a Leader?

This question underscores the reality that there is confusion and ambivalence about women’s roles and behavior. Women have often been given feedback that is confusing when they have been assertive at home or in the workplace. Sometimes they doubt themselves rather than understanding the double standard that is operating. Men also suffer from biases about…

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Knowing Who You Are

Knowing who you are has three crucial  elements in healthy relationships.  First, it’s important to know ourselves and what we want in life. Ideally, we enter relationships knowing what is important to us. However, life is a growth process and we keep evolving as long as we’re living. Second, it’s important to know your partner….

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Recovering from Betrayal and Hurt

It takes time to heal when there has been a betrayal. Sometimes betrayals are so hurtful that the relationship never recovers. Other times, the emotional investment is such that people want to work to grow together rather than apart. There is no “one size fits all” prescription here; we all have to decide which path…

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Taking Things Lightly

Humor and light heartedness grease the wheels of relationships and make them turn more smoothly. I see having a sense of humor as one of the most useful attitudes to have. All attitudes provide a lens though which we view what happens in the world. When we have an active sense of humor, we have…

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Setting Limits

Love should not be unconditional! Perhaps you see this statement as heresy. Let me clarify: we should not condition our love for others on whether they please us or do everything we want them to do. However, there are certain bottom line expectations that have to be met in order for relationships to be healthy…

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