Road of Devaluing the Feminine

Another internalized predator stems from the cultural imbalance of valuing masculine over feminine , which creates conscious and unconscious biases in all of us. Sometimes the rejection of feminine stereotypes and hostility toward anything female is so strong that it can only be termed misogyny or hatred of women.  It is possible you’ve viewed this in men and been confused by what fuels this, probably taking it personally at least for awhile.

“Success” and “Power” are two attractive signs that seduce women into traveling the route of minimizing their feminine strengths. After all, there are many cultural assumptions that indicate one can’t be successful if you don’t adopt the prevailing “masculine” or dominance rules. They are often so engrained that it seems silly to challenge them. For instance, survival of the fittest is a predominant work theme; you have to step over others if you want to get ahead. Competition often takes precedence over values of cooperation and teamwork. Unfortunately this comes with a greater sense of isolation and loss of community support.

Many women from my groups get in touch with how they rejected their feminine side during discussion about cultural stereotypes. Some see they identified more with strong fathers because they perceived their mothers as being weak. It is healthy for children to copy those who offer a robust sense of themselves; we’re all attracted to strength. These same women find it rewarding when they recognize what was solid and resilient about their moms that might not have been valued.

Men have to redefine masculinity in order to not reject everything feminine. This necessitates including emotional intelligence as well as their rational side. Even men who disavow any form of misogyny carry around vestiges of this, which can take the form of discomfort around emotions, fear of being influenced by their women friends or partners, or rejection of creative interests.

Facing this internalized predator brings greater balance of our feminine and masculine sides, valuing each of these. We need to be wary of duality, of the tendency to see things in black and white, either/or terms.


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