When Success Eludes Us

It is often an irony that we fear what we also want. We may want success in some particular way, but we are terrified of achieving it and may undermine it.

Success brings recognition and that is often very uncomfortable for us. Being visible may have represented danger in the past if we’ve experienced any type of abusive relationship at home or work. We may have learned to hide ourselves so as not to elicit criticism or abuse. If we haven’t fully healed this, it will block our achievements and/or our enjoyment of them.

If we have a tendency for self-doubt, we may be uncomfortable with success because we fear others will find out we aren’t as good as we portray. Feeling like you’re a phony makes every star in your crown seem like tinsel instead of gold, no matter how much success you experience. Our successes become infected with anxiety, tainting them for us.

If we don’t believe we deserve success, we will probably undermine ourselves at every turn. Self-sabotage is often the issue when someone goes from job to job or isn’t able to put forth the effort to grow their business.

Having a good relationship with power is essential. A healthy relationship with it means experiencing “Power within“, not “power over” others. Feeling powerful doesn’t mean you have to dominate others. True leaders facilitate others developing their power. If we’ve experienced abuses of power, then we may not have learned how to exude power in respectful and assertive ways.

We have to have faith in ourselves in order to be comfortable with our success. 

If any of these are issues for you, try to uncover what underlies your fear of success. Don’t be judgmental of yourself because that won’t help! Everything makes sense if we make the effort to understand it. Knowledge is the first step. Next comes learning new tools and habits. You may be able to do this on your own, or it may require seeking assistance from a coach or therapist.