Outside the Lines
I am opening a new chapter in my career. I will be sending in the manuscript for my book for survivors of intimate partner abuse within a couple of weeks. I began revising my web site to reflect that I only do intimate partner abuse work now. I am contemplating supervising a Master’s level student. I have two workshops to prepare for this fall. A lot is happening and it is all in the middle of a pandemic!
As I was feeling the anxiety my changes created in me, I remembered what it is like for those who face decisions about abuse. Whether struggling with:
- leaving or staying
- making a new home on their own
- responding to a parent who manipulates the children against them
- protecting their safety
- fighting to get child support
- or countless other things,
anxiety often feels overwhelming. Alleviating it means making friends with our minds. Knowing how they work. Learning how to take charge rather than allow monkey mind to run our lives.
Let me explain, for those who are not familiar with monkey mind. It is the automatic fear-based thoughts and feelings that hijack our peace of mind. They often have to do with our insecurities. They pop up any time we are confronted with uncertainty or with something new. Whether it’s a life difficulty or something positive, monkey mind tells us, “you can’t do that,” whatever the “that” may be.
Calming and Changing Your Mind
I often say to people, “Do not believe everything you think.” Observe your feelings and notice the thoughts that go with them. Not to reinforce them, but to acknowledge them. Search for a more positive way of thinking about your situation. Remind yourself of your strengths. If that feels impossible (and it does for all of us sometimes), read something inspirational or talk to someone who inspires you to believe in yourself.
I have learned to predict that I will feel anxious as I begin something new. That way I ready my mind and heart for any doubts that may assail me. The closer we get to a goal, the more those monkey mind anxious feelings act up. So, acknowledge them and keep walking, much like the song “Trouble at the Border” by Ancestra. I invite you to have a listen.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=y0uMPErgakQ&list=RDAMVMy0uMPErgakQ
This humorous treatment of how our thoughts feel like the wild west sometimes often brings a smile of recognition to people’s faces.
I journaled this week when I woke with anxieties about the positive changes in my world. I find this quiets my mind. Putting words on paper helps me work things out and get back to my ground, the heart of who I am.
This time, I needed to start a new journal and fortunately had several to choose from. I consciously chose the one that had blank pages rather than lines. My reasoning was that I want to get comfortable with working outside the lines of old thoughts and ways of doing things. Those longstanding “lines” limit our growth. They often paint a false picture that we cannot do what we desire.
Thinking outside the lines is often helped by inspirational affirmations. I found one that spoke to me that day: “I break free of the illusion of limitation.”[i]
Of course, we all have limits of some kind. The illusion of limitation refers to the things we have learned to believe about ourselves that are not true. I call these “instilled beliefs.” Especially when we have heard put downs and been devalued by someone, we have trouble moving away from how those things sank deep into us.
I hope that this inspires you in writing outside the lines of any old beliefs you have. We all need encouragement to break free from the things that hold us back.
[i] The Daily Word: Daily Inspiration from Unity, August 12, 2020
