I Did It!
Recognition Waters Our Progress
We must recognize each step along our paths, whatever our journey may be.
- Building self-esteem
- Deciding whether to leave a relationship
- Leaving a relationship
- Creating a new life
- Coping with co-parenting abuse
- Discovering what you want or need
- Learn assertiveness
- Fill in the blank for yourself
Next steps are always scary. We don’t know what they will be like—not really—until we take them. Each of the paths listed above encompasses many steps. We can set off, but we cannot outline each step, each curve, each boulder along the way, and when we think we have to, it stops us from ever setting off.
The “I did it” moment for me now is sending my manuscript Coercive Relationships: Uproot Their Invasion of Intimate Relationships and Our World to the publisher. After years of honing my ideas and writing, I looked for a publisher last winter and found one. That led to finishing and sending the manuscript, which opens the way for the next steps. Gee, I don’t know exactly what they will be, but I am determined to find out.
Facing Uncertainty
To accomplish something, we have to make friends with uncertainty and adventure. Also, with fear, not letting it stop us. I like this quote attributed to Carrie Fisher:
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”
I included her quote when I wrote of facing fear in my book. The following is an excerpt from the segment “Seeing Fear with New Lens”:
“Often, we assume when we’re afraid that it means one of two things: ‘I can’t handle this’ or ‘I must be making a mistake.’ These reactions of anxiety and fear confront all of us when we make changes, but they can become ropes tying us to old patterns. Instead of interpreting these emotions as signs of weakness or that you’re doing something wrong, allow yourself to experience and breathe through them. Feeling fear and anxiety is not an indicator you can’t make it, but actually that you are making progress. Heightened anxiety is normal as we get close to what we’re working toward. We feel this emotion along with uncertainty when we begin anything new.”
We begin this alternative way of seeing by cultivating curiosity and a sense of adventure. I make two predictions: Each new thing will scare the dickens out of you, and each new thing will open the door to your good. These have definitely proven true for me.
My first challenge post manuscript sending was getting an email back asking me to work with editing software and to send it back in three weeks. That wasn’t what I planned on. I was resting on my laurels and taking a vacation for Pete’s sake. So, my monkey mind took me on a temporary detour into fear—as if I couldn’t take my vacation and begin this next step. The other fear-based thought I had was that it meant my writing was not good.
As the writer of a first book, I’m still learning the journey of publishing. I’m back on the track of being curious about what it will look like and confident it all will lead to an even better book. The crumbs I followed back to equanimity were talking to a friend, inspirational reading, and meditation. Friends I trust to encourage and steady me, reading that reminds me of my humanity, and meditation on truths.
Supporting the Middle of Our Journeys
Part of my inspiration was Brene Brown’s podcast Unlocking Us[i]; her segment “Day 2” seemed to be meant for me. She says Day 2 represents being in the middle of whatever you’ve set out for. Any glamour of starting is over and the hard work begins. I appreciated hearing “if you’re not uncomfortable, you’re not really learning.” She identified four steps to handling the middle stages:
- Name what you’re feeling
- Normalize it
- Put it in perspective
- Reality check your expectations
Our expectations often are unrealistic. Wishful thinking, perhaps. Like for me, somehow I thought I did my work and could rest awhile. When I put it in perspective and reality checked, I decided that it was wonderful to have an on-the-ball publisher rather than someone that takes forever to contact me. Another perspective I gained was that the editing software was helpful. Rather than seeing it as a sign my writing is flawed, I now see it as a friend that finds improvements more easily for me.
Regroup and Celebrate
What helps you get back on your path? I would love to hear your ideas, what keeps you grounded on your particular journeys. Don’t worry if you stray from the path, just find your way back. Life is a journey, as someone said. The point is expressing who we are and what we want—not false ideas or expectations for perfection.
Remember to pat yourself on the back for each step no matter how small, and share them with others. Sometimes we think we cannot celebrate until we’re “done.” The flaw in that lies in never really feeling success. I have news for you. We’re never done, and that is part of the joy of living, isn’t it?
If you want to share your journeying, what works for you, or the challenges you face, I would love to hear about them. Send them in the comments box below this post.
My celebration today is twofold: I am making progress toward the new deadline, and I completed a revision of my website. It now includes a Books page with a preview of my book, and I invite you to visit it. I will update it as my book progresses to publishing in March 2021.
[i] Listen to Brene Brown’s podcast at: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-day-2/
