To regain your power in an abusive relationship, you must name what is happening and accept it. Accept what is. Despite how painful that is. Accepting does not mean you approve, agree, or are okay with it. It is also not forgetting or pretending the abuse didn’t occur.
Believing you deserve abuse is an injury from coercive control. Abuse damages your belief in your worthiness, leaving you vulnerable to those who want to dominate.
When you say you allowed abuse, you are blaming yourself for something over which you had no control. You probably learned to accept this from your partner’s blame and hearing similar media assumptions. Often society makes victims responsible for their abuse, rather than the one who abuses.
Seeing forgiveness as emotional self-care may sound strange. Especially if you experienced an abuser telling you to forgive when they haven’t changed. Forgiveness can be premature if done too early. Refocusing on you and your emotions is an important step in healing. Allow yourself to feel anger and find ways to recover from the pain […]
Grief is always a normal and important part of healing for intimate partner abuse survivors.
The term “victim” does not identify who anyone is, nor does it reflect on their worth. It denotes what happened to them.
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