Narcissistic Behavior by Your Partner—What You Need to Know

This article aims to help you if you are concerned about narcissistic behavior by your partner and want to understand where it comes from. Many people realize their partner has narcissistic traits only after feeling confused about their behavior. While labeling their behavior won’t change it, identifying narcissistic behavior in your partner empowers you to face the situation and decide what you can change.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Traits

The Oxford dictionary defines narcissism as “selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.” There are two key things for you to understand about personality disorders:

• People with personality disorders see the world through a rigid lens, and change feels deeply threatening to them.
• These disorders develop due to a mix of genetics and environment, but that doesn’t remove personal responsibility. If they truly had no control, they wouldn’t be able to adjust their behavior when facing consequences they don’t like.

Not everyone who engages in abusive behavior has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Some people display narcissistic traits without meeting the diagnostic criteria, while others with narcissistic traits are not abusive.

However, many abusive partners display narcissistic behavior. If you are concerned about narcissistic behavior by your partner, you may wonder why they behave this way. That answer isn’t just about them—it’s also about the social norms that allow and enable entitlement and self-centered behavior.

Socialization

Abusive partners exist on a spectrum—some exhibit more narcissistic traits than others and some are more rigidly insistent upon dominating their partners. One key factor that fuels narcissistic behavior is traditional gender socialization.

From an early age, boys and girls receive messages about their expected roles, abilities, and value. Many boys are taught that being a man means dominance, control, and emotional detachment, while girls are encouraged to be accommodating and submissive, to prioritize relationships over self-worth, and tolerate mistreatment as part of love.

Traditional masculinity messages often teach boys:

• Dominance over women is expected. This fosters entitlement and minimizes a partner’s needs and autonomy.
• Vulnerability is weakness. Expressing emotions like sadness or empathy is discouraged, making it harder to develop emotional intelligence.
• Their role is to provide, not nurture. Child-rearing and household responsibilities are seen as beneath them, reinforcing inequality at home.
• Compromise is a loss of power. They are taught to fight for what they want rather than seek mutual understanding and solutions.

These messages reinforce entitlement for men and encourage power over others instead of sharing power. However, entitlement is not exclusive to men. Some women to develop narcissistic traits as well, and harmful power dynamics can exist in same-sex and nonbinary relationships too.

The more rigidly someone clings to traditional messages, the more likely they are to justify harmful behavior in relationships. Understanding this social conditioning is crucial—not as an excuse for abuse, but as insight into why narcissistic behavior by your partner is such a common occurrence in our societies.

Traditional socialization determines who should have power and encourages seeing power as power over others rather than with them. By challenging these outdated roles, we create space for healthier, more equitable relationships built on respect, empathy, and shared power.

What You Cannot Change

Telling your partner they are “narcissistic” won’t make them change. If you’ve identified unacceptable behavior, asked them to change, and they still refuse, it’s time to accept that reality—not because you approve of it, but because you recognize what is beyond your control.

Beware of accepting a partner’s distortions about love and responsibility. This excerpt from Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek illustrates how power imbalances take root in relationships:

“The narcissistic belief that they must be satisfied or “you don’t care about me” paves the way for this imbalance {of power}. Their inability to have empathy and see others’ needs seals it.”

If your partner has suffered childhood trauma or other hardships, it’s natural to feel compassion. But do not let that compassion override your loyalty to yourself and what you deserve. True strength comes from your ability to care—but caring does not mean excusing harm. You can feel empathy for their struggles and hold them accountable for their choices.

No matter what they’ve been through, they are responsible for their actions. And only they can decide to change. Sadly, many choose not to, because they don’t want to let go of what they learned. They fail to see the strength in an equal partnership where both people share power rather than wield it over one another.

You cannot change them. But that does not mean you are powerless.

What You Can Change

While you cannot change someone else, you do have the power to change what is within your control—starting with how you see yourself and your worth. Coercive Relationships provides guidance on identifying learned beliefs that may have made you more vulnerable to domination. Even if you are not yet free, understanding these patterns can help release shame and build a foundation for future choices.

If freedom isn’t yet an option, seek support. A domestic violence advocate or therapist can help you explore possibilities and respond to narcissistic behavior by your partner.

Another powerful way you can effect change is by breaking the cycle for future generations. Strengthening your resilience against narcissism equips you to guide children—both boys and girls—toward healthier relationships. Teaching them to be strong, empathetic, nurturing, independent, emotionally intelligent, and loving ensures they have the tools to build respect-based connections.

If you don’t have children, you can still be part of the solution by supporting organizations that educate and empower young people. Every effort to challenge harmful social conditioning helps create a world where respect and equality replace control and fear.

Social Media’s Influence on Young People

Social media algorithms are rapidly shaping young men’s perceptions, often fueling narcissistic and misogynistic beliefs. Research shows that within nine minutes, TikTok can flood a 16-year-old boy’s feed with harmful content—misleading messages that blame women and LGBTQ individuals for male struggles and dissatisfaction.₁

There are real and pressing concerns about young men’s mental health. However, the solution is not to subjugate others—it’s to address these challenges with empathy, self-awareness, and healthy support systems.

The most effective way to counter this growing influence is through education. By teaching boys and girls how to build respectful, emotionally intelligent relationships, we can disrupt the cycle of entitlement and control.

Changing the way we socialize children isn’t just about individual families—it’s a step toward halting the spread of abuse in society as a whole.

₁https://antibullyingcentre.ie/recommending-toxicity-how-tiktok-and-youtube-shorts-are-bombarding-boys-and-men-with-misogynist-content/ and https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/28/opinion/manosphere-online-boys-parents.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare