Building the Plan(e) While Flying It

Someone involved in responding to the coronavirus said to me, “we’re building the plane as we fly it.” I thought how true it is for all of us during this stressful, strange time. Things are changing day by day. This is quite a challenge for those of us who like more certainty in life. It is particularly difficult for those who go stir crazy with too much at home time. It’s been wonderful to see the creative ways people are responding, with zoom parties, games, and other ways to spend time together remotely.

I thank all the health care professionals who are working to take care of the sick and prepare the health care system for what’s coming. I also thank those involved in providing the necessities of daily life.  And much gratitude to those who have put together educational programs for our children.

It occurred to me that the phrase, building it as you fly it, applies to the lives of those who experience intimate partner violence. Figuring out how to respond is chaotic because of partners’ coercive control. My previous post acknowledged that coronavirus adds to the often-overwhelming stress of IPV and gave do’s and don’ts for managing it.  

For those who want to leave abusive relationships, it really does involve putting together a plan while trying to navigate safely through partners’ behavior. This pandemic may have presented even more challenges to overcome. Being under a Safe at Home order is an oxymoron when it comes to IPV, since home is where you’re in danger. Domestic abuse programs report increased use of services during crises such as this one because abusers often react to the stress by increasing their violence.

Please reach out to your local program if you’re not feeling safe. Links to a Madison area program and Wisconsin state program follow, plue a national link for those in other states.

Having someone to talk to can make a huge difference. Gathering information about safety plans and resources helps us feel hope for the future, even if now isn’t the time to utilize it. Building a network of people you get support from helps you not feel alone.

It’s all part of building your plane so that it’s ready for takeoff when you’re ready.   

Madison, WI area: Domestic Abuse Intervention Services https://abuseintervention.org/

Wisconsin: End Abuse Wisconsin https://www.endabusewi.org/

National: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence http://www.ncadv.org/