Communities Working Together to Support IPV Victims

Working Together

This pandemic requires communities to come together. Most of us have been sheltering at home as much as our work permits and this has caused hardships. With essential workers, the hardship includes putting their lives at more risk in order to keep the rest of us healthy, fed, and safe. For those doing their jobs at home, while they’re grateful, it has its own difficulties, such as the stress of juggling work and the home schooling and care of children. Those without children have their own adjustments and difficulties, especially when they’re single. For those who have lost jobs and don’t know what work will look like in the future, their stress lies in meeting the necessities of their daily lives. Many feel additional distress due to the need to accept help, such as from food pantries or unemployment benefits.

The majority of us willingly comply with governmental guidelines that prioritize our safety by promoting community health. We recognize that our personal safety is linked to how we all behave, and we choose for the highest good of all. We’re all in this together.

Intimate Partner Violence and Community

Intimate partner violence victims’ safety has always been linked to how communities work together to reduce IPV. Unfortunately, our society’s response to IPV often enables violence.

Yes, individual abusers are responsible for their actions.

However, society’s values and beliefs often don’t support holding them accountable. Institutional responses, media portrayal, and legislative priorities set the groundwork for attitudes and beliefs that individuals then often mirror.

Those who suffer emotional, mental, physical, or sexual abuse by partners find it more difficult to protect themselves because of our society’s blindness to their reality. They feel the consequences of this every time:

• People respond to abuse with “why do victims stay?” instead of “why do abusers dominate and control?” and “how can we best support victims?”
• Families tell them to stay or blame them for what’s happening
• Faith leaders use scripture to mandate remaining with an abuser
• Disrespect by males is excused with “boys will be boys,” subtly giving permission
• Supportive resources like welfare and affordable housing aren’t available
• Behavioral health and insurance companies don’t provide specialized IPV counseling and treat victims’ symptoms as individual problems
• Society acts as if some people’s rights are more important than others
• Institutions and helpers respond to abusive behavior by tiptoeing around the abusers rather than holding them accountable
• Professionals respond to victims’ disclosures by minimizing and not believing them
• Effects of emotional abuse are minimized
• Institutions respond differently to actions depending upon whether they’re men or women, majority or minority individuals
• Landlords punish victims who call the police by evicting
• Storylines portray women primarily as weak and dependent without recognizing their strengths and successes
• Awards are biased without appropriate recognition of women and minorities’ achievements  
• Financial concerns are valued over people

The consequences of community responses such as these are heightened shame, powerlessness, and a deep loneliness for victims. It’s important for all community institutions to ask themselves how they can support them and deliver the message that we’re all in this together. Since the above actions and attitudes are complex, this blog isn’t going to address the solutions for all of them.

However, the underlying solution of community support is clear, especially during this time of sheltering at home. None of us like loss of control, even when we know it’s necessary. Those who permit themselves to dominate respond to the strictures of this pandemic by lashing out more at victims. Rates of IPV have increased all across the globe with both physical and emotional abuse. Abusers utilize the pandemic to exert even tighter control over victims. They may threaten to kick them out at this vulnerable time. Others don’t permit them to leave even for necessities, claiming it’s because of the pandemic. Victims are more trapped than ever if they can’t get away even by going to work or doing normal activities.

This pandemic makes help-seeking efforts more difficult. Because of lack of privacy, it’s harder for victims to reach their therapists, advocates, or other supportive people. When injured, victims report heightened fear of getting medical attention because of possible exposure to the virus. In addition, having others tell you what to do to stay safe can remind victims of how abusers treat them.

Moving Closer

It’s a challenge to believe in togetherness when we’re physically isolated, especially if our livelihood and dreams seem to be going up in flames. Federal and state governmental strategies to sustain individuals and businesses are supported by values of cooperation and love.   

We ARE all in this together. If you’re a survivor, I hope you draw comfort from knowing others see your reality and want to make community changes. Reach out to local domestic abuse agencies as you can.

If you’re an ally, I hope you share this with others. We all can make a difference in survivors’ lives. Examples are talking with a friend, posting this to social media, and contacting institutional leaders whose awareness needs heightening.

Our combined voices can shape our society’s attitudes in the direction of cooperation and nonviolence.  

Resources for Victims:

Madison, WI area: Domestic Abuse Intervention Services https://abuseintervention.org/

Wisconsin: https://www.endabusewi.org/

National: https://ncadv.org/

The National Domestic Violence Hot Line: https://www.thehotline.org/help/