Teen Dating Violence
Intimate partner violence (IPV) is not just an adult thing. It’s common among teens. The Center for Disease Control indicates that 7 percent of high schoolers experienced sexual violence by a dating partner, and 8 percent indicated physical violence.[i]
However, the numbers are much higher when we include emotional and verbal abuse. “More than 60 percent of adolescents who date (both boys and girls) said they had experienced physical, sexual or psychological abuse from a partner, according to the National Survey on Teen Relationships and Intimate Violence published in 2016.”[ii]
A new study in the April issue of JAMA Pediatrics found that of 2200 homicides from 2003 to 2016, 7 percent or 150 of those deaths were committed by current or former intimate partners. It also found that girls are the
We need to take teen dating seriously instead of downplaying its significance. Regardless of how mature they are, teens are just as susceptible, if not more so, to the cultural messages that encourage possessiveness and dominance. One reason teens may be more susceptible is because they don’t have as much life experience in handling conflict and break-ups. The normal emotional intensity that teens feel is even greater when you add intimacy and possibly sexual contact. Adults have a difficult enough time maintaining their perspective in the face of a domineering partner.
As parents and adult role models, it’s important to teach all teens what is and is not healthy in relationships. I encourage having conversations about safety and healthy relationship dynamics. I think it’s helpful to start before dating commences, so that it’s not interpreted as parental interference in a relationship.
It’s also possible to offer information that you read (such as this blog or the following resources) in a nonjudgmental way that isn’t tied to concerns about their relationships. E.g. “Hey, hon, I just read this and was surprised by how common this is. Thought you might want to see it in case any of your friends
Here are three sites that offer information in a digital form, which teens are more prone to look at than books.
www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/
www.futureswithoutvilence.org/5-signs-of-a-healhty-teen-relationship/
youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/characteristics
New technology makes it easier for those who are domineering, whether teen or adult. Texting and social media provide avenues for keeping track of people, with punishment or accusations resulting if there is no response. Adults may not understand how teens are affected by these. Pictures and social media can be used to manipulate people into doing things they don’t want to do, such as threatening to post something embarrassing on Facebook, for instance.
When IPV has occurred in their family—whether verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual—this adds to the vulnerability of young people. The effects of family violence on self-esteem and confidence often interfere with being able to say no to those we care about.
If you’re a young person in a relationship that is being disrespectful and abusive to you, I encourage you to tell someone. Don’t allow yourself to become isolated, because this serves to entrap you further. Besides friends, find at least one adult you can trust to talk about how to help yourself. If there are teen groups for dating abuse, they help people sort out what they are and are not responsible for. They also help us know we deserve to be treated with respect and that we’re not alone. Loving someone should not mean giving up our rights to respect and making our own choices.
Unfortunately, this is an epidemic problem that stems
from cultural messages that encourage dominance in relationships. It’s not
surprising that it begins in the teen years. Teen abusers learn it from the
adults around them.
[i] Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance, United State 2017.
[ii] Teenage Girls and Dating Violence: Why We Should Be Paying Attention by Maya Salam, May 21, 2019.
