After survivors learn the tactics of coercion and attend to their injuries, they can focus on how to respond in ways that empower them and disempower the controller. They do this by learning how to keep abusers’ blame, negation, and gaslighting from having power over them.
One of the most significant emotional injuries from intimate partner abuse is loss of self-esteem.
The term “victim” does not identify who anyone is, nor does it reflect on their worth. It denotes what happened to them.
Next steps are always scary. We don’t know what they will be like—not really—until we take them. Each of the paths listed above encompasses many steps. We can set off, but we cannot outline each step, each curve, each boulder along the way, and when we think we have to, it stops us from ever setting off.
I am opening a new chapter in my career. I will be sending in the manuscript for my book for survivors of intimate partner abuse within a couple of weeks. I began revising my web site to reflect that I only do intimate partner abuse work now. I am contemplating supervising a Master’s level student. I have two workshops to prepare for this fall. A lot is happening and it is all in the middle of a pandemic!
I counsel everyone who is embarking on something new to expect feeling fearful. It usually feels like jumping off a cliff. All the insecurities we have (and we all have them) jump out to convince us we can’t make it.
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