LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence

June is LGBTQ Pride Month. The growing acceptance of all sexual preferences and acknowledgement that gender is not binary is something to celebrate. My vision is that our culture will become one where no one fears to be themselves. Being closeted and hidden makes us more vulnerable to exploitation and abuse.

When intimate partner violence (IPV) first became widely recognized, the focus was on female victims with male partners. While the majority of violent heterosexual relationships are male against female, there are also male victims.

As our knowledge grew, it became evident that this epidemic infects LGBTQ relationships as well. The dominance beliefs in our culture affect everyone so this is hardly surprising. Hesitancy in the community about acknowledging violence was due to fear of encouraging societal bias against LGBTQ partnerships. However, victims aren’t helped by ignoring this problem. Social acceptance and connection are built by acknowledging that abuse occurs everywhere–in all social classes, across all gender and gender-nonconforming identities, and in every kind of work.

The Controlling Behavior Checklist found on my web site’s Abuse and Trauma Counseling page contains common coercive control tactics. LGBTQ victims recognize these in their abusive relationships. However, tactics that prey upon the vulnerabilities that exist because of social prejudices affect them as well.

For instance, Tina doesn’t tell her work colleagues she is lesbian because she feels it isn’t safe. Her partner, Alice, threatens her with being outed when Tina doesn’t do what she says, so she feels trapped.

People who permit themselves to use coercive control will use anything they can to get what they want.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence provided the following statistics on LGBTQ violence:

* 43.8% of lesbian women and 61.1% of bisexual women have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime, as opposed to 35% of heterosexual women.
* 26% of gay men and 37.3% of bisexual men have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime, in comparison to 29% of heterosexual men.
* In a study of male same-sex relationships, only 26% of men called the police for assistance after experiencing near-lethal violence.
* In 2012, fewer than 5% of LGBTQ survivors of intimate partner violence sought orders of protection.
* Transgender victims are more likely to experience intimate partner violence in public, compared to those who do not identify as transgender. * Bisexual victims are more likely to experience sexual violence, compared to people who do not identify as bisexual.
* LGBTQ Black/African American victims are more likely to experience physical intimate partner violence, compared to those who do not identify as Black/African American.
* LGBTQ white victims are more likely to experience sexual violence, compared to those who do not identify as white.
* LGBTQ victims on public assistance are more likely to experience intimate partner violence compared to those who are not on public assistance.

These statistics leave out one huge area of abuse: emotional and verbal violence. They are harder to gather statistics on, yet they are the forms that are most common. And they carry the longest lasting effects, except for lethal violence. Every survivor I’ve ever worked with agreed with this.

Everyone deserves to live violence free. Isolation is a huge impediment to getting help. If you identify with any type of abuse, you are not alone, as the above data prove.

The common hesitancy to get assistance all victims have is further enhanced for LGBTQ survivors. There may not be specific services for them, so they don’t know who is safe to disclose to. They may have experienced prejudice from the police so would be fearful of calling them. If they aren’t out to the general community, they may fear violation of their confidentiality. They may feel protective of their abusers because of community bias. These and many other reasons are barriers to seeking help.

Below are community resources that either specialize in LGBTQ services or are welcoming agencies.

Outreach: https://www.outreachmadisonlgbt.org/

Domestic Abuse Intervention Services: https://www.outreachmadisonlgbt.org/