Should Coercive Control Be a Crime?

It’s Not Against the Law

If you have experienced coercive control, you know the devastating effects. Those who feel entitled to use it strip away our freedom of expression, limiting what we can do and say. It damages our sense of self-worth. It increases self-doubt. We often say we feel crazy because of the intense gaslighting and distortions that occur.

Coercive control violates civil rights, but all the forms it takes are not a crime. Many people feel frustrated when the abuse they report can’t result in legal consequences. Society views physical abuse as the most important form of partner abuse. It is easier to see, measure, and can be lethal, so certainly should be viewed as serious.

However, experts know that psychological abuse has severe consequences for victims. Daniel O’Leary indicates that “psychological abuse like coercive control, can take a more severe toll on victims, often causing them to experience PTSD or other mental health disorders.”[1]

For some, killing their partners and/or children will be their first act of physical violence, but they almost uniformly have a history of perpetrating coercive control.[2]

What is coercive control?

If you’re reading this and wondering what is meant by coercive control, follow this link to my Coercive Control Checklist. If you’re a survivor, you will recognize elements of your experience and feel validation. If you’re a professional or someone who wants to learn more, it will give you a horrifying glimpse into survivors’ lives.

The history of this term illustrates its seriousness. The term coercive control was first used when talking about brainwashing. It then was applied to Communist-ruled countries to explain their success in controlling their citizens. Later it was used in describing what pimps do to groom young people for sexual trafficking.

Evan Stark first used the term with intimate partner abuse in his book Coercive Control. Since then, it and intimate terrorism have gained increasing usage in intimate partner violence (IPV) books and articles.[3] Nora Mabie quotes Stark on coercive control extensively.

 “According to Stark, in order for behavior to be characterized as ‘coercive control,’ it must occur over an extended period of time. Stark says it includes physical violence, sexual coercion, humiliation, intimidation, degradation, isolation, deprivation, exploitation and regulation. Coercive control is not just a form of making victims dependent, but making them subordinate. … It’s a form of domination.”[4]

Making Coercion a Crime

All forms of coercive control, including emotional and mental abuse, have been criminalized in some European countries. England and Wales passed a law in 2015. Ireland passed a law in 2018. Scotland passed the Domestic Abuse Act outlawing it in April 2019. Australia is currently debating whether to pass a law against it.

There is disagreement in this country and elsewhere whether a law against coercive control would be helpful. Some think the system has gone as far as it can in criminalizing IPV. Others point to the hesitation people of color understandably have in calling the police already. I would like to add another viewpoint to consider.

If you’re reading this as a survivor, you know firsthand the difficulties you’ve faced in having its effect on you taken seriously. This can happen with friends and family, when reporting to police, during family court proceedings, and in dealing with numerous other organizations. The fact that all coercive control forms are not against the law leads many people to minimize emotional abuse and not view it with seriousness. Many abusers use the emotional forms precisely because they know they can be arrested for physical abuse but not emotional.  

Restriction of freedom, gaslighting, and emotional harassment wear us down. They increase the incidence of physical and emotional illnesses. When you think about it, coercive control is really a civil rights violation.  Lack of serious societal consequences for coercion influences decisions that have severe effects on our lives, such as the granting of restraining orders or the content of child visitation agreements.

Criminalizing coercive control represents a potential cultural shift in attitudes according to The Guardian in its Opinion piece responding to the debate in Australia.”[5] I agree. It sends a powerful message that domination of any kind is not acceptable. Statutes regarding coercive control take away the incident-focused blinders of current laws that interfere with recognizing the pattern of emotional control and its effects.   

Changing law enforcement procedures could safeguard against some concerns people have about making it a crime. Many are looking at using social service providers as first responders in many calls that currently go to the police. This could include counselors and therapists trained in evaluating intimate partner abuse when domestic calls are made. They could document coercive control and possibly begin proceedings that would require consequences. Victims’ preferences regarding what they want to happen could guide the process. Consequences could be titrated according to the circumstances and expert recommendations.  

These are beginning ideas; I am not an expert in legal and legislative matters. Discussion of how it would work needs to happen at community and state levels. However, I have faith that we could figure out a better system than we have now. Other countries have. Stark indicates that in order for laws to be effective, governmental leaders and prosecutors have to be committed to prosecuting cases when needed. I believe that listening to survivors’ input is crucial as well.

Including Survivors in the Conversation

I invite you to be part of this conversation. We all have different circumstances and needs. Some need the safety of their abusers being in jail but not all. Leaders need to pay attention to what each survivor is ready for and feels is best for them. I intend to take this to End Domestic Abuse Wisconsin to get their input and would be delighted to add yours, anonymously or not.

Please comment on how a law against coercive control would feel to you. Here are a few questions to think about:

• Would you favor such a law or would you have concerns about it?
• Would it feel emotionally supportive to you to know that all coercive control is outlawed? If so, how would it feel to you?
• Would having this law make your life easier in some other way than having the option of calling in first responders?
• Would you be more likely to report abuse if there was such a law?
• Would having non-law enforcement first responders enhance the likelihood of calling?

Those who work with abusers say that they abuse “because they can.” Our society’s emphasis on “power over” underlies all forms of injustice, including that intimate partners permit themselves to dominate.

Exercising “power over” rather than “power with,” which interferes with equal rights for everyone, is part of the culture of domination that Riane Eisler writes about. My book, Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek, has a section of chapters that uncovers the beliefs and assumptions that lead people to dominate. It also identifies instances in which equality and partnership beliefs are valued.

It is time to take seriously the emotional and mental forms of power over others. A society that normalizes this will always have violence and other oppressions. There are hopeful signs that we are ready to face this scourge of our intimate life, such as #MeToo and the Women’s March. Males, females, and non-binary individuals have heightened awareness of all injustices that result from domination beliefs.

Historically, we have turned a blind eye to the gravity of coercive control. That has injured all survivors of intimate partner abuse. Consider commenting on this blog, or you can email me with your input. I value your opinions.

---

Resources:

Partnerism https://www.partnerism.org/#intro-page

Center for Partnership Studies https://centerforpartnership.org/

[1] “Coercive control: It’s a legal term but should it be criminalized?” by Nora Mabie in Social Justice News Nexus, June 12, 2019. Quoting Daniel O’Leary, professor of clinical psychology at Stony Brook University.

[2] “Coercive control is a form of intimate terrorism and must be criminalized” by Paul McGorrery, Jess Hill, Hayley Foster, Marilyn McMahon, Annabelle Daniel, and others in The Guardian Oct. 5, 2020 Opinion piece.

[3] “Coercive Control”, Nora Mabie.

[4] Ibid.

[5] “Coercive control is a form of intimate terrorism and must be criminalized” by Paul McGorrery, Jess Hill, Hayley Foster, Marilyn McMahon, Annabelle Daniel and others in The Guardian Oct. 5, 2020 Opinion piece.